Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
