WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
