Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
