i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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