I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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