I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My life is pants optional.
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