If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
