Nicole vs. Life
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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