Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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