And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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