I just saw a hot homeless man
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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