It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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