I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
