I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
