Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
