or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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