I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
