Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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