I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
