I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
