This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
