end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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