She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
