you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
