It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
