I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
