I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
