You're my little dorito
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
