You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
