I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Actions speak louder than pants.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are we still banned from the library?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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