He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
