Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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