the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
