I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
