2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
