you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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