Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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