I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
