I just made out with a guy for $7.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
