I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
