I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
