That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're like the curious george of whores
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
