i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I sprained my soul last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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