i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
