i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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