Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
