people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
