I want to make a zoo with you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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