Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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