I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
