You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
