OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
