I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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