you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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