none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
