thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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